I Want To Live A Little Longer
by Maia
Date written: 8/23/05
Word count: 540
Story Timeline: Season 2
Category: Dradis Challenge: Laura Roslin
Warnings: None I can think of
Characters: Laura Roslin
Summary: Laura Roslin reflects on her condition as she prepares to find the tomb of Kobol.
Spoiler: Home, Part I


Laura Roslin sat alone in her private quarters after their escape from the Galactica staring into the mirror. "What have I done?" she wondered aloud. "How could things have spun so far out of control?" Like the disease that ravages my body, our unity has been plundered and destroyed.

With Adama awake and alive, the stakes of their rebellion had dramatically risen. Now they were truly on the run. She had a finite supply of kamala extract, having left the Galactica so quickly; they were moving from ship to ship to avoid detection and her already fatigued body was giving out under the strain. Billy had abandoned her, and Apollo was no replacement. Apollo had his own problems including the misery he felt at leaving his father at a critical point in his recovery. Lee Adama was hanging on by grim determination and a thread. How could she tell him she was failing rapidly; that unless something changed in the equation, it wouldn’t be too long before she couldn't hide the agony, weakness and despair that marched inexorably into her psyche and physical makeup.

Roslin's body hurt; she was having headaches; she didn't feel like eating except on rare occasions, and she had to force herself to sleep. And now she fought the senior Adama, formidable and relentless to say the least.

I wish he could understand that I have been chosen for this. I have been selected to lead the people to Kobol and use the Arrow of Apollo to point the way to Earth. I did not ask for this honor - this curse - to die of a wasting disease in some distant wasteland - too far from home to get back, too removed from Earth to survive the journey. Inside she felt the truth of her visions; they shaped and molded the universe, and with that reality came waves of hopelessness. She only had the vision of her people saved to hang on to.

Yet, even with this pronouncement of her rapidly approaching demise, a small voice cried out inside her, "I want to live a little longer. I want to walk on the grasses of that distant, mythical planet; I want to meet the lost tribes of our people. I don't want my journey to end here, now."

She felt her wrist give out under the weight of the brush and placed it carefully on the dressing table in front of her. The kamala gave her some relief, but of late, even that was being overwhelmed by the pain and the weakness. Roslin's vision remained strong for her people, as her body weakened and she fought the rising urge to scream and screech in desperation at the abyss of death and dying she could see just beyond the precipice of her mission.

I want to live a little longer.